To Live List Episode 7 - How to Deal with Shame, Bullying, and Mobbing
Updated: Mar 5
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Think about bullying for a moment. Does it end in high school? Of course, it doesn't. Many people are dealing with it in their adulthood and are ashamed to talk about it. Eleanor Roosevelt said nobody can make you inferior without your consent. Do you believe Eleanor's school of thought holds water in today's environment where we have cyberbullying, physical bullying, relationship abuse, sexual harrassment, and verbal sggression? There is no avoiding the feeling associated with being bullied, if it has happened to you, even with acknowledgment, identification, and naming of types of bullying, or with the emergence of counter movements like stopbullying.gov or #metoo, The feeling of shame often makes you feel small, and can easily distort the experience, further compounding your ability to stand up and take care of yourself, if you are being bullied.
Last summer, I was in a restaurant, and overheard a scenario with the servers. A new server had come in, and her peers were unhappy because of she wasn't handling tips the way everyone was used to. It wasn't anything overt but her approach was different. It sounded like the new server was unaware of anything she was doing wrong.
"We all know that there are healthy ways to deal with conflict. But we don't talk about how many or how much folks encounter unhealthy ways of conflict resolution."
Part of the beef was that the new server was outperforming her peers. I believe there were better ways for the servers to deal with the situation than the way they were proposing. For instance, they could have raised it with HR or their supervisor. Better yet, the more established servers could have educated the new server on the status quo. Instead, it sounded as though the group was "hatching up a plan" to "cook her goose".
Group aggression to remove a targeted worker (aka mobbing) is a form of bullying happening in our workplaces. We all have a responsibility to ensure that bullying and mobbing stop by creating awareness and finding better ways of getting people to get along.
There are some worrying statistics on how bullying negatively impacts adults and their health. One poll found that of those who have been bullied as adults; 71% suffer from stress, 70% anxiety and depression, 55% report a loss of confidence, 39% suffer from sleep loss, 26% have headaches, 22% experience muscle intention or pain, and 19% reported a mental breakdown and 17% noted the inability to function day to day calling in so frequently. The big question remains, how do we deal with the shame that comes from bullying?
"Bullying is thought to be a problem only children face, but new findings show that bullying and its subsequent impact on mental and physical health continue long into adulthood, often in the workplace, the home, and educational setting."
In this episode, we look at our first scenario with shame, how to resolve conflict, get people to get along, and deal with guilt. We'll also look at what to do when you find yourself as a target for mobbing. Listen to learn more from the episode.
Key Talking Points of the Episode:
[01:19] October National Bullying Prevention month
[03:35] The untold bullying stories because of shame
[05:26] Our first type of scenario with shame
[10:19] Conflict resolution
[11:37] A scenario I recently encountered in a restaurant
[19:20] How to get people to get along
[37:19] How do we help deal with shame
[41:31] What do you do if you find yourself as a target of a mob?
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Please do reach out if you have any thoughts or comments about this episode when you listen to it. I'd love to hear your thoughts.